i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So. Much. Porn.
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