She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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