I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You took a bar mat shot.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
