And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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