we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
