Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.