; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.