Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.