Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?