all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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