we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
