Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
