How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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