I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The ass gains better be worth it
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