Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
