I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
