you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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