My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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