I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
