my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
