I wish I could teleport
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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