We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
