i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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