I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Randomize
