the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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