Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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