I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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