Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
