If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
