she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
