It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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