it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
