U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
