I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
