why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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