the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
