Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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