I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
