He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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