Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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