I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
