I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
