Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
