My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
