I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
