please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
