i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
