you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
