I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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