he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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