i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've blown a few things in my day
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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