Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is an emotional support booty call
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
