no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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