Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
