you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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