Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
