im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
