I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
