peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
