All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
