So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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