Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
