But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
