Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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