I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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