no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We need to get me chipped asap
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
