I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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