I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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